So I think that I’ve reached a turning point…

This week I have come to the realisation that I need to focus more on consistency (thanks Mish!!) and not pay so much attention to the scales.   I have been consistently eating and drinking well, but have not been consistent with my workouts.  In the first few weeks of 12wbt I was only working out maybe 3 days per week and after this week of being consistent with my workouts I may not be losing much more weight, but my fitness has improved so so so much!  I have been able to increase the levels on all of my gym machine programs and not feel like I’m going to die!  I have realised that although some days I feel like this before gym:

I always feel like this after gym:

Even if I’ve worked super hard and do feel like I’m going to die, there is always a little part of me that acknowledges the achievement and that is so proud of what I’m giving to myself. And even though it is nice when people notice that I’ve lost weight (who am I kidding, it’s amazeballs!), I get more of a kick out of going for longer on the treadmill, going faster on the bike and going up stairs without puffing.  This journey is about me and how I feel about myself, and not what other people think of me.  I will no longer see 12wbt as a competition with anybody except for myself.  As long as I am beating my previous best, then that is all that really matters.  I am not in this for a quick fix, I am in this for a lifestyle change.  If that means losing 1kg or less per week, then so be it.  It is still better than before when I was gaining that instead.

Anyway, best of luck to everyone in your journeys.   I hope that the silly season is kind to you (and your waistline!).  xoxo

So busy trying to be efficient

So I have been VERY slack with my blog over the last couple of weeks.  To be honest, my sole focus has been getting organised for the start of Round 4 (my first round) of 12WBT.  Finally it has arrived!!!!  I want it to be a success and I have been a little bit pedantic about having menus printed out and shopping for food, snacks (good ones only, I promise), getting to the gym and buying a few little bits and pieces to keep me accountable.

Because I have been following MB’s recipe books for a few weeks, I haven’t had any issues with being hungry or having withdrawals.  The recipes on the program are great so far.  My main problem has actually been making sure that I consume 1200 calories a day.  I always forget to snack when I  am at work and even though I’ve got some MB approved snacks in my desk drawer, it just doesn’t happen.  Yesterday I almost passed out at the gym because I hadn’t eaten since lunch time.  From this week onwards, I will have my snacks actually on my desk so that I remember to eat them even if I’m not feeling hungry yet!  I also need to be more aware of my water intake because when it gets busy at work I just completely forget to drink anything (which is not so great when you’re dying at the gym that arvo).

To be completely honest, I haven’t been 100% with the workouts this week.  I have had a headache all week and so only worked out 3 times (burning about 600 calories each time).  Excuses, excuses I know.  To counteract that for this week I have printed out some of the ‘at home’ workouts so that even if I feel like absolute shit I can at least work on my core exercises and then change the core day to a normal gym session.  I have told my husband this as well so that he can make me do the core exercises if I skip gym!  As much as I like to say that I have self control, the couch can still look appealing some days and I just need a little push in the right direction.

My husband has been super supportive, probably because he is actually liking the food.  I can definitely see the difference in him already (and he already weighs 40kgs less than me!!). Because of my lactose intolerance we have had to swap a fair few things around in this week’s recipes and I tried lactose free ricotta and cream cheese for the first time ever!  It was quite interesting (and very expensive).  For 3 tubs of fake cream cheese, 1 tub of fake ricotta and a small tub of fake ice cream (healthy stuff) it was $50!!!  More than my entire fruit & vege shop for the week.  But I think that it was worth it because it helped me stick to Mish’s recipes and the calorie counts without swapping whole meals here, there and everywhere.

In terms of weight loss – my first 2 days since weigh in I lost about 1 kg, adding on to the 7kgs in pre-season.  I am starting to notice that my clothes are getting too big.  One of my skirts was falling down at work and my undies are constantly sliding down.  Might need to invest in some new pairs I think because nobody wants to see that!!  Heaps of people at work are commenting on the difference that they notice so that is always nice, and it keeps me accountable when I’ve told a few people about the program as well.

The one massive disappointment that I have is that my boobs appear to be shrinking much faster than anything else.  I wish that I could trade the universe for my boob fat to come back and I will give some fat off of my ass instead!!  Oh well, a loss is a loss I guess haha.

So excited already for finale in BRISBANE!!!!!  I have booked my accommodation at South Bank so that I will be right in on the action.  I have already gone down a size, so hopefully there will be another drop before then and I can get a really cute outfit.  That will be my last big reward for this round.

Anyway, here is to hoping that this week is more successful with the workouts than last week.  At least I stuck to the food 100% (except for being below the calories) and I will work to improve on that as well.  Can’t wait to try out the new recipes (especially the chicken rice paper rolls which look delish!!).  Good luck to everyone in their journey.  I hope that you are sticking to it as much as you can and getting back on that horse as soon as you fall off!!  xoxo

And the verdict is…

I finally had my first gym session on Wednesday night and I must say that I am really happy and found it much more comfortable than I thought it would.  While I still feel a little bit awkward (because I don’t know how to use half of the equipment), I have gone to 3 sessions now and burned around 600 calories in each which is a fairly good start.  The staff are friendly and I don’t feel like I’m being stared at for being a walrus on an exercise bike so that is a plus.  Those recumbent bikes are strange aren’t they?  I feel like my boobs will overtake my face when I use them, but they are good for notching up the calories!  I must admit that I am actually terrified of the elliptical trainers.  They look like hard work and I haven’t seen anyone above a size 12 actually attempt them yet so I am staying as far away as possible.

I have decided that I will be signing up for a 12 month membership as I find that I can motivate myself much more when I’m at the gym as opposed to at home when the couch is in the next room looking all comfy. 

I did have a let down on Friday night when I drank a few more glasses of wine than I should have and didn’t get home until almost 10 so I got McDonalds on the way.  I tried to make up for it a little by dragging my hungover ass to the gym early on Saturday and burning about 700 calories, which I never would have done even 2 weeks ago.

Tomorrow night I have an appointment with one of the gym instructors to show me how to use the pieces of equipment that I don’t know.  Some of the weights machines look like torture machines and I don’t even know whether I use my arms or legs for half of them and so I have steered clear!  I want to focus more on cardio at the moment anyway, but I also get bored easily and even doing 5-10 mins of weights to break up the cardio will help keep me motivated. 

To prove how much my attitude has changed just in the few weeks that I’ve been doing the warm-up and pre-season of 12wbt, I actually requested planter boxes for xmas so that I can start my own vege & herb gardens.  I generally hate gardening but cannot wait to get these babies started! Also this week we officially started pre-season and I’m finding that I’ve already completed most of the tasks that Mish is requesting so I’m just going to focus on sticking to my meal plans and gym at least 6 days a week.  I want to smash it out and be in the best shape possible before the official start in November.

Well, that is all for the moment.  I hope that everybody is having success (or at least some little wins along the way).  Best of luck.  xoxo

I have taken the plunge…

So, after all my talk of getting a spin bike because I hate working out in public; I have actually joined a gym.  Technically it’s only a 4 week trial but I think that after that time I will be over my embarrassment and JFDI.  My hubby has made a deal with me that if he drops me at gym on the way home from work, he will prepare a Mish approved meal for dinner each night and then pick me up when it’s almost ready.  That should give me around an hour (at least) every day.  Once he has dropped me off I can’t get anywhere until he picks me up so it will force me to do it!  I’ve also bought my first HRM (which is purple and cute) so hopefully that will help me out, especially once Round 4 actually starts.

At this stage I’m not even really anxious about going to the gym.  If I’m being completely honest, I’m actually kind of excited to see what I can do.  This is definitely the happiest that I’ve ever felt on a ‘diet’ and people are already noticing the difference, even though 4kg off of 123kg is really nothing.  Most importantly, I am noticing the difference.  I feel better and my clothes are already getting too big for me and I haven’t really started the exercise side of it yet.  This time next week I hope that my entire body aches because then I’ll know that I have achieved something!

Only 2 more days until pre-season officially starts and I am PUMPED!!!! It’s lucky that my gym membership starts the day after pre-season so that I can get straight into it while I am still super motivated.  I’m 100% sure that I will have setbacks, but I’m also more confident than I have been before that I will do it this time and make some life-long changes.  I have told a few friends at work that I’m doing it and so they are being really supportive and joining me in healthy lunches and having more water at after-work drinks instead of multiple bottles of wine haha.  It’s mainly because I wanted to be accountable to more people than just myself and I know that they will talk me out of it if I have a weak moment at work.

Anyway, I will update the blog once I’ve had my first gym session (which could be interesting to say the least!).  Best of luck to everyone in their journeys this week (especially those who are starting their first pre-season with me this week!)  xoxo

Excuses, excuses & my weight loss reward list

So I’ve still been really good with my diet (thanks to Mish’s cookbooks) but I am totally slacking off on the exercise.  I am filled with excuses – ‘it’s too hot to go for a walk’, ‘I’m too tired’, ‘I don’t have time’.  You know, the usual cop outs.  I keep telling myself JFDI but it just isn’t happening.  I’m still losing weight, but know that it would be much more if I was doing the exercise.

To try to counteract my laziness, this weekend I am getting a spin bike.  I might just hire one to start with and then see if I want to jump all in and buy one.  On the other hand, I am also considering doing a 1 month trial at Fernwood instead.  It’s only $29 at the moment and should definitely kick-start my workout!!!  The problem is that I am mortified to exercise in public in my current state, just going for a walk in public is embarrassing enough.  Regardless, I promise myself that I will have organised at least 1 of these options by the end of this week (in time for pre-season on Monday).

In order to motivate myself, I have devised a weight loss reward list.
Current weight – 120kg

115kg – Mani/Pedi

110kg – Facial

105kg – A swag of new nail polish

99kg – custom-made Nikes (aren’t they pretty!!)

95kg – Dior skin care products

90kg – New outfit

 

I’m not going past 90kgs because I feel like that is so far away!  Hopefully these goals will keep me motivated and get me out there moving.

Best of luck to everyone on their journey this week.  xoxo

PS I cannot wait for Round 4 pre-season to start on Monday!!!!

Slow start

So I have been a little bit slack on the blogging front since my first post a few weeks ago.  Life has been hectic!!

I am still in the process of getting together everything I will need for the journey that is to come and I feel like I’ve done really really well on the food front.  I bought 2 of Michelle Bridge’s recipe books which have been fantastic (even the hubby is loving the food) and I’ve used those for lunch and dinner everyday.  Breakfast is still a pain because I’m lactose intolerant (and hate soy milk with cereal or by itself) so that rules out anything with cereal or yoghurt.  I am starting to like soy yoghurt though so hopefully I can stick with that and a piece of soy/linseed toast every morning.

The first weeks warm up challenge was ‘make one small change’ so I cut out all takeaway, sweets, soft drink & juice which I have stuck to, drinking only water and green tea (with 1 soy latte on a Saturday morning only!).  I must say that I have been feeling better just from doing that and although I hated green tea at the start, I now have about 10 flavours in my drawer at work and love my tea ritual.

The second week was ‘halve your non-water drink intake’.  Well, because I had already changed that in the first week, this was where I started eating only Mish approved meals.  I lost 3 kgs just in that week which was nice because I was never hungry and the meals which I chose were delish and simple to make (and the leftovers were perfect for lunch).

Week 3 (this past week) is where the problems began (ie I got overwhelmed and fell off the wagon).  The challenge was ‘walk, swim, cycle, row or run 30kms this week’.  Now for somebody who does virtually nothing, I was open-mouthed going ‘how is this possible??’  Thankfully, I have sensible friends who quickly worked out that it’s only just over 4kms per day, which off course is totally achievable.  I set out with gusto on Monday and Tuesday, going for a 3km walk with the dogs and another 1km on the treadmill and was thinking ‘this will be a breeze’ and being so proud of myself.

On Wednesday I hit an emotionally roadblock when I was told that my cousin had passed away.  I spent Wednesday night upset on the couch and ate a picnic bar (not my finest moment).  The only shining light was that at least I had the sense to stop at one.  Previously I would have thought ‘well I’ve already ruined my diet, might as well have a full blown pigout!’.  The rest of the week I was trying to think JFDI but I just wanted to sleep as soon as I got home and not think about my cousin.  The funeral was on Friday and I managed to eat really healthily on the day.  I took my own healthy  muffins so that I could snack on those at the wake instead of on the scones, caramel slice, deep fried food and unhealthy sandwiches (which looked amazing!).  On the food side I am really proud of myself this week given the circumstances (and we’ll just forget about the picnic bar!)

I have also found that because I have been really good with the food, even the slightest bit of oily food actually makes my stomach quite upset so that is even more motivation to not go near it!  My hubby has been really supportive, until yesterday when he came home with a bottle of coke and 2 bags of chips.  Of course he offered me some, and I didn’t even hesitate in turning them down.  Today he is feeling guilty (although he doesn’t need to lose weight) and I am taking my refusal to cave in as a small victory for myself.

This week I will be accomplishing the 30km on top of whatever Mish throws at us this week (unless it’s an extra 40km haha).  I cannot wait until the 22nd of this month when pre-season officially starts and the game is really on!!  I am hoping that because of my start with the food that I will be in good stead to have a successful round, that way I can focus on the exercise which has always been my downfall.  I am trying to look at the positives and not punish myself for little mistakes that I make, or using them as an excuse to just throw the whole week in.  Although we have a treadmill and weights at home, I am also looking at investing in a spin bike, and maybe some boxing gear down the road.  If I have some variety at home, I feel like at least I will feel like doing one of them if I don’t feel like walking or jogging (my current jogging is a normal person’s walking anyway).

Sorry that this time has been a bit of an essay.  I am still positive that we can all JFDI, as long as we stick to the plan (or as close to it as possible).  Nobody will have a ‘perfect’ round but as long as we get straight back up, we will at least be better off than when we started.  By the end of this week I will be under 120kg for the first time in a few years and that makes it worthwhile.  I have also set out some mini goals for myself, with non-food rewards at each one.  I will post those within the next few days.

Best of luck to you all in your journey this week and don’t forget to make your life worth watching.  xoxo

Introducing……

I am a 28 year old Brisbane girl who is ‘morbidly obese’. Not really a nice thought is it? That you are so obese that it makes your life morbid. Some of my life is wonderful. I have been with my husband for 11 years, married for 3, and he is an absolutely amazing man. I have great parents, an awesome sister and wonderful friends who support me in everything that I do. Obviously though, something is missing within myself that has caused me to over-eat and stop moving as much as I should.

3 weeks before I turned 21 I was diagnosed with lymphoma. While undergoing treatment, and in the 6 months following while I was on steroids and recovering emotionally, I gained 40+kgs. Because of the chemotherapy and my weight gain, I am now having difficulty conceiving a child which is taking a continuous emotional toll on me. In addition to this, I virtually have panic attacks every time I feel a little bit sick or I have a sore arm, sore back, sore anything. Immediately my first thought is cancer again, and this can be really overwhelming at times.

Having said that, I am sick of using my cancer weight gain as an excuse, and that will no longer be happening. It has been 7 years and I am finally ready to take control of my life instead of using this as my permanent scapegoat. At this stage I am positive that Michelle Bridges 12wbt is perfect for me and I am optimistic for the coming months. I can only hope that my optimism and dedication continues to last over the coming months and years, especially being that the program (round 4) doesn’t start until mid November.

I am hoping that by utilising the 12wbt forums and having this blog, that I will be more accountable and actually stick to it this time. I am not quite brave enough yet to tackle the group sessions (organised by AMAZING, inspirational people like Angela Wallace) but I am hoping that in time I will get some confidence and actually have a go at those too.

I am sick of worrying about going places because of the types of chairs they might have, or worrying that I am the fattest person in the room, or having a wardrobe half full of clothes that haven’t fit me for 10 years or thinking about everything I eat in front of people because they will be thinking ‘well I can see why she’s gigantic!’

I want to be able to travel overseas. I have never even been on a plane! I just tell people that it’s fear of flying, but really it’s being scared to not fit in a plane seat and worrying what people from another culture would say to me if they saw me!

I have named my blog ‘Make sure it’s worth watching’ because if my life were to flash before my eyes at the moment, it would be like a movie where all of the good bits are shown in the ad and the actual movie is a drag to sit through. I want it to be a movie worth watching; with great adventures, hilarious moments and a life-changing message.

My absolute biggest motivators are that I don’t want to lose any more years from my biological clock and I don’t want to spend any more time wasting the second chance that I was given 7 years ago.

But most of all, I want to start living and not just existing.

Lots of love and best wishes to you all on your journeys.

xoxo